thinking

I think I think too much. Do I? Andi would now say: yes! I think she would...

It's 2 o'clock, I just came home, alone. All the others are still going out. My plan was to get at least 5 hours of sleep until I have to get up early tomorrow for work. The plan actually didn't include the caffein I drunk with the rum.. so it is even worse. I went home, but can't sleep. Which leeds me back to thinking. Thinking what I would do if I get that job in Valencia. Leave Sevilla and start everything again? Alone? Loneliness is the next thought. I now appreciate my friends I have back home in Austria even more. I can see how hard it is to make new ones. Some of them just disappear and don't give a fuck how you are and what you do. A weird thing is that I feel bad about that, because I always tell people back home that everything is ok here. I tell them that I have a lot of friends and a lot of parties, but actually that changed but this I don't want to tell them, too 'uncool' for time spent abroad.. Parties got less, friends left. This led me to thoughts about myself and I found out that I depend a lot on other people. Not sooo hard to find that out, I know. Still, I never wanted to admit that to me. I try to change that.

Until then I replace the lost friends who made me feel good before with something else. Until I close the gap by myself.